Thank God they have finally diagnosed my condition!
A.A.A.D.D.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.:
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden .
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table,
and see that there is only one cheque left.
My extra cheque are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for
the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it
to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!! .·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:
I'm not cuz it's here!
_______________________________________
This is from my friend Moldy* Thanks!
The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is .75 seconds, or 1 car length for every 10mph. Test your average reaction time.
Be careful this can be addictive! You will be surprised at how slow you really are.
Click here: Reaction Test
____________________________FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!___________________________
Okay, regarding the first story. If you're contemplating going to an event, and they've chosen to pay Bristol Palin $15,000-30,000 to speak, I'd suggest that maybe you need to spend the time and/or money elsewhere.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2011890972_apuspeoplebristolpalin.html
Bristol Palin to hit speakers' circuit
JUNEAU, Alaska —
Bristol Palin is hitting the speakers' circuit and will command between $15,000 and $30,000 for each appearance, Palin family attorney Thomas Van Flein said Monday.
I think this says it all: *Bristol Palin lives in Anchorage and works in a physician's office, Van Flein said.*
Why didn't she just stick her on a street corner with a sign around her neck "Five dollars for the first five minutes-after that a dollar fifty per minute." I'm telling you she's a national treasure.
*___________________
Toronto woman sues Rogers after her affair is exposed
Rogers denies any responsibility for affair or consequences
A Toronto woman says the billing practices of Rogers Wireless Inc. led to her husband discovering her extramarital affair.
Now the woman, whose husband walked out, is suing the communications giant for $600,000 for alleged invasion of privacy and breach of contract, the results of which she says have ruined her life.
*________________________________
If you're a parent or grandparent, this is what you want to tell your kids to do in an instance like this. Scream, kick, bite, hit... whatever you need to do.
http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/23573993/detail.html
Whitehall Boy, 8, Saves Sister From Abduction Attempt
4-Year-Old Girl's Brother Wrestles Her From Attacker
MYRTLE BEACH, SC--
Police in Myrtle Beach, S.C., credit the quick actions of a caring brother for saving a young girl from an attempted abduction.
According to Erin Kuhns, the boy was able to wrestle his sister away from the would-be abductor.
"[Nathan] said, 'Mommy, I just kicked and I punched and I hit, and I just kept doing it,'" Kuhns told Channel 4 Action News' Shannon Perrine Sunday. "[The man] kept grabbing her, and he kept pulling her and kept trying to put her back in the car."
Nathan Kuhns was able to provide DNA evidence to police, because he scratched the man so severely.
Neither child was injured in the attempted abduction.
Myrtle Beach police have not made any arrests.
The family has since returned home from their vacation.
And the little boy beating the crap out of the abductor....Dang! Are these kids related to me?
One time my family went to an event and one of my relatives didn't like the way that this guy was treating his son and when the guy hauled off and abused the boy, my relative went into a rage. The guy then attempted to reciprocate their hostility by becoming violent with them. Bad move, because once he had tipped over one of my family's drinks all stops were open and my entire family began beating the crap out of the guy.
At this time, being as my dad is a super-villain, he knew enough to depart the premises swiftly before the law arrived.
"I don't know who those people are- but they sure are making a mess out of that guy aren't they? "
_________________________________________________________
He's just too cute!
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