Friday, November 27, 2009

Only in Northern Michigan and The Onion

As do we all....

Thousands With No Power

More on the state of American citizen's control over their own government later.....


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The Onion

This Would Be The Best Mental Hospital Ever If Elliott Gould Weren't Hiding In The Toilet

I feel that way all the time.

Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count

That's always my mother's concern also.
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FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES and his nephews....

The Muppets do while my guitar gently weeps.....



*GASP!* That's actually kind of sweet.


The Muppets do Bohemian Rhapsody!



*GASP!* That's actually pretty frickin hilarious. *Snicker*

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Only in Northern Michigan News! And FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!

6 local children adopted
Thank God...They were getting on my nerves....

Bald Eagles spotted near local school
....And sadly shortly afterward were seen soaring skyward, with the six adopted local children in their talons.

Thanksgiving eating without guilt

Catholics say it can't be done.
_________________________________________________
I think this guy and my dad must hang out.
Being as my dad is a super villain and a mad-scientist....



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An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet

Thursday, November 19, 2009

PROFOUND and yet perfunctory.....

I got this in my email. NBC25 always put some kind of summary underneath to talk about what the story is about in a nutshell. Well check out what imaginative summarizing they had going on with this one.....

Woman in custody after drug lab bust
A woman is in custody following a drug bust.


Wow! In a year of Sundays, I would never come up with something like that. Change one word and it changes the face of that whole sentence. That's "Tolkienesque" in how profound that statement is...I mean, I couldn't have done a better job on that.....KUDO'S Afternoon Update! Well done!
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The ONION

December Named National Awareness Month

  We need one of those really...

U.S. Deports Lou Dobbs

*snickers!*

And in Opinion

Who Swoons Over 'New Moon'? Jackie Harvey

Well, teenage girls .... What's with that anyway? I mean, why would someone want to date a vampire? He's dead, he's cold, he's pale and can't be in the sun so, skinny dipping on a hot, sunny day is out! He probably smells....EW!

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~<Insert pithy comment here>~


Sarah Palin is a legend in her own mind and ONLY IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN and FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!

Hundreds wait for Gov. Sarah Palin in MI
Cause we're "...Like Alaska with all the huntin and the fishin and the hockey moms...."
*Shivers!*
Have you not read "Only in Northern Michigan?"

ONLY IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN!
MI unemployment drops slightly
And the peasants rejoice....

Michigan man wins 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' World Championship

Rock should beat paper man....

FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!!!
http://www.uncrate.com/men/gear/office/mmmvelopes/


Num Num Num!

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~SPEAK SPEAK- WHY DON'T YOU SPEAK!!!~


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Michigan's Thumb eyed for more wind turbines
I keep seeing Michigan's thumb in their eye.

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~There is nothing funny about clowns...~


Monday, November 16, 2009

Thanksgiving is coming

I got this from a Capper....
Thanks Moldy!
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For those here who are my friends and family, just a quick note to let you know that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

 
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.



Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the guests involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea from last year.



The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic skull goblet or the Santa napkins from last Christmas.



Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. I assure you it is a turkey.



We will be dining fashionably late. The kids will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.



As accompaniment to the kids recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the kids should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.



I toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, I chose to keep the traditional method. I've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, I will ask the kids to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door maybe.



Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not enter to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.



I would like to take this opportunity to remind my diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play.



Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

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That's awesome. But she left out that she will not be held responsible for those people who end up with Salmonella poisoning, since you're all too lame and cheap to have dinner at your house and since you all believed that this was a good idea to have it at mine.
Have you not talked to my husband about my cooking skills?


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~One time we had a picnic at the lake on July the Fourth and oddly, my husband and I got sick with the flu the next day....It just came on all the sudden and no one had been sick around us? ~


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Hey Snope it out!

http://www.snopes.com/fraud/distress/valentin.asp
Use your head on the net.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/military/gebhardt.asp
This one is true and I've actually gotten this one in my email.

                          *VIRUS!*
http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/facebook.asp
                          *VIRUS!*
Just in case you didn't see it the first time.

And from my friend Xig!
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/nodesks.asp
Personally, I thought it was pretty cool!

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~Takes a village to raise an idiot.~


Friday, November 13, 2009

More amazingly mundanes in Michigan

Medical marijuana law's grey areas affect police, patients, caregivers
Because it can can can.....

Officer tased handcuffed man

Afterward he said to other officers, "What!?! Like you wouldn't?"

Mich. Senate approves bill after baby-sitting flap

As if there isn't anything more important in the world.

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~It's not me it's you.~


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Only in Northern Michigan.....Sometimes....




This is what the news looks like when nothing happens.....
AND....
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This is actually a pretty sad story- but honestly, if a young child saw this on a web page it would give them pause and yet, here it is...

A city mourns as 'Santa Claus' has passed away


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~Stay with me people...~


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Only in Northern Michigan and FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!!!

Only in Northern Michigan and possibly other cold Midwestern states like oh, Wisconsin and Minnesota....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big
NEWS!

New jewelry store opens in Bay City

...............................................................................Cut on the line..........................................................................................
Training Chinese auto dealers


WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! TO COMBAT THEIR BELLIGERENT SALES TECHNIQUES!
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November is 'hire a veteran' month
*deep sigh* Every month should be "hire a veteran" month....

....................................................................................................................................................................................
One was "Burton Taxidermy". Again, *deep sigh*.
....................................................................................................................................................................................

Wow, I would go to that hospital if I get sick because of their amazing medical records keeping capabilities. Forgo all those dubious comforts that medicine and Xrays could afford me.
....................................................................................................................................................................................

_________________________FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!!!_______________________________

BUSTED!!!

Can anyone tell me why anyone would believe ANYTHING from Fox News after seeing this?

http://www.thedailyshow.com/

I, my friend, gave up on FOX Entertainment News after I watched them one Sunday morning, deep fry a thick bunch of papers that were supposedly a bill....Because they wanted to fry up so much pork.....

Like, there is nothing else to do on a news show except for Rupert Murdoch's Australian bidding.

But God love ya for bringing it to our attention!
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~What?!? No gravy?~

Thursday, November 5, 2009

And now.....The Onion

United Airlines Exploring Viability Of Stacking Them Like Cordwood

Well, it's about time. I for one always think it would be preferable to be laying down rather than sitting up while flying.

Cherokee Nation Makes Headlines As Fraction Of Actress's Bloodline

Me too....SISTAH!

First Female Tower Of London Guard Bullied

What makes her think she's any better than the rest of us women working in men's careers?
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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Only in Northern Michigan

Made in Michigan: Vlasic Pickles
Vlasic Pickles are made in Imlay City, MI

Good for Imlay City....What do you want from me?


FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2009/oct/28/police-crack-cape-local-women-involved-unrelated-y/

Two local women were involved in unrelated, quirky car crashes. First, Kara Leanne Griffin, 24, of Golden Gate Estates, reportedly rear-ended a farm trailer Thursday night.


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Monday, November 2, 2009

....More- Only in Northern Michigan


Wool products made in Michigan
Like, other states don't do that....*deep sigh* <shakes head>

By Dan Armstrong
Monday, November 02, 2009 at 3:43 p.m.

You likely know about Flint's Koegel Meats and Michigan Sugar, but did you know that some of the largest custom wool processing operations in the country are in Frankenmuth?

The process starts in old-fashioned bathtubs. Raw fibers are heated to 180-degrees and washed with a mild detergent.

It's then taken to an extractor to remove excess moisture......(And it goes on like that)....

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FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES! and Only in Northern Michigan

FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!

Switched-off thieves fooled by fake TV

 What makes me laugh about this is that retaliation is messing up the bed....
Apparently they also left notes saying that "Judy is fat and has big ears!"



WOULD-be television thieves in Melbourne were left red-faced after they tried to steal a cardboard cut-out in a bungled burglary.

Intruders broke into a vacant display home in Arnolds Creek Blvd, Melton West, between 7.30am and midday on Sunday after seeing a large plasma television through a window.

After smashing a front door window to gain entry, the thieves received a nasty surprise upon discovering the television set was a cardboard cut-out used for display purposes only.

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Only in Northern Michigan


Family Uses Craig's List To Find Stolen Property
Posted: 10/28/2009

A family who recently fell victim to thieves is taking matters into their own hands via the Internet.
After checking EBay and Craig's List to see if their belongs were for sale, they were inspired.

They decided to post about the theft to try and track down their things.. or the thieves.


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~Takes a village to raise an idiot.~


Caption of the moment

By Dirigo:


Meanwhile, in the Gulf of Mexico...

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