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Area Man Likes FoodFLUSHING, NY—In a surprise announcement, local cab driver Kevin Reilly, 33, confirmed Monday that he likes food. 'I enjoy meats, dairy products, grains, fruits and all manner of desserts,' he said. 'I also like the taste and texture of many snack foods, including Doritos, Munchos and Funyuns.' Reilly wavered on the issue of whether he likes snacks or desserts more. | ||
Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door
May 21, 2007 | Issue 43•21
SIOUX FALLS, SD—Managers of an area International House of Pancakes discovered 95 comment cards nailed to its front door Sunday, which were later identified as the work of local resident Ronald Lyman, a 53-year-old contractor and onetime regular customer who is calling for wide-scale reform of the venerable chain.
Enlarge Image Modern Day Martin Luther
The self-styled pancake reformer decries IHOP indulgences such as whipped toppings.
"IHOP has grown weak on powdered sugar and fruity garnishes, forsaking the righteousness of its original rib-sticking mission," said Lyman, who nailed his 95 comments to the door shortly before the morning brunch rush, when they would receive maximum exposure. "This house is no longer a house of pancakes—it is a house of lies."
Lyman's 95 cards assail IHOP for what he perceives to be an "unholy alliance" of the sweet and the savory, a dangerously narrowing blueberry-to-batter ratio, hard-to-open butter packets, and an increasingly tall short stack. Fifteen cards alone attack the excessive breadth of syrup selection.
"IHOP is about pancakes, not syrups," card 41 reads. "No pancake can exist drowned in a pool of lingonberry. No man who comes hungry can leave happy on artificial orange-flavored goo."
Lyman said that his pancake fundamentalism is based on "the trinity of griddle-fried batter, butter, and maple syrup, as directed by our breakfast elders more than two score years ago." His beliefs were forged by years of increasing dissatisfaction with the "internationalist" influence within IHOP, which he said stresses flavor over substance.
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Thanks to meQal
Wild Dogs Eat Pickens Co. Man
Ever since watching Bridget Jones Diary, single women all over the world have consistently worried about having this fate....And as fate would have it, it's happened...Only to a 97 year old man.No word yet if he was a spinster living in London, England.....
July 01, 2009
The Pickens County Sheriff's department killed seven dogs that they say ate the remains of 97 year old Israel Pope Jr. Pope was reported missing monday, but Pickens County Sheriff David Abston said all they found were his bones. He said Pope had been consumed by a pack of dogs authorities tracked to a den under an abandoned mobile home. Investigators found pieces of Pope's clothing and what may have been human remains at the mobile home. He said it was unclear whether the dogs killed Pope, or whether they found his body in the field and consumed it.
Pope knew the dogs, they belonged to his own nephew. Pope's family says he used to feed the dogs when they would wander over to his house. Sheriff Abston said they have not charged the dog's owner yet and the investigation is still ongoing.
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