The more wretched blog.: Complete with Onion

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	Craigslist Server Contracts HPV
		SAN FRANCISCO—'We tried to ignore the signs, but every day more and more of those weird wart-looking things appeared on our home page,' said a Craigslist developer.

G-175 Nations Convene To Discuss How Things Can't Possibly Be Any Worse

HARARE, ZIMBABWE—'All those in favor of sighing loudly and looking around in desperation for any answer, please say yes,' said Bangladeshi Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina.

Lost Cat, Dog On Journey Die Immediately

JACKSON, WY—After their owners inadvertently left them behind in Yellowstone National Park, Louie, a 4-year-old golden retriever, and Nipsy, a 3-year-old longhair cat, were killed within minutes of beginning their heartwarming journey home, sources reported Monday. 'It looks like right after leaving the campsite they fell off a cliff and died upon impact with the highway below,' park ranger Ken Hinkley said after discovering their barely recognizable bodies, which had been partially eaten by a cougar the pair likely would have outsmarted with adorably clever teamwork had they survived. 'After that, it appears their carcasses were run over by a tractor-trailer, probably operated by a gruff but kindhearted truck driver who no doubt would have given them a lift. Poor little guys. Had to toss 'em in a ditch.' Louie and Nipsy's family reportedly gave up hope immediately, and have already purchased a new kitten and puppy whom they love very much.

Air Force One Photo Op Shocks New Yorkers

The sight of Air Force One being trailed by a fighter jet low in the skies of downtown Manhattan sent thousands of workers and residents in the area into a panic on Monday. What do you think?

Iris Shaked,
Unemployed
"Wasn't this part of the stimulus package for New York therapists?"

Elliott Bassin,
Systems Analyst
"Bad or good, the publicity worked. Next time, I'm flying with Air Force One."

Owen Gruber,
Garment Presser

"Oh, no—the invisible World Trade Center Memorial buildings!"

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Well, There Goes Our Dream Vacation To Somalia

By Jim Prahl
April 23, 2009 | Issue 45•17

When you think about the best places in the world to take your family on a relaxing, two-week trip, the first location that comes to mind is Somalia. Naturally. It's got it all. So, in order to beat the summer rush, I booked my family's trip in late March, but then I pick up a newspaper and read about the rampant pirate activity around the Horn of Africa. Well, so much for that.

Looks like any chance of us enjoying some fun in the Somalian sun just went right out the window.