2008 Tax Records Reveal Sasha Obama Made $136 In Allowance Money | |
| | WASHINGTON—The first daughter tried to dodge senators' questions by playing with her pigtails, leaving to use the bathroom, and asking what 'personable accountability' means. |
Chinese Takeout Restaurant Thought It Had Seen Man At His Worst
BROOKLYN, NY—Despite thinking that they had witnessed 28-year-old Dean Rumergant at his absolute lowest Monday, employees of the Jade Kitchen 2 restaurant realized their error Tuesday afternoon, when the weary freelance designer entered the Chinese eatery wearing a single shoe and a clump of dried duck sauce in his three-day-old beard. 'Oh my word,' said cashier Lin Zhou, who added that she initially thought Rumergant was a patient from the nearby methadone clinic. 'He wouldn't look at me or say anything. He just pointed to menu on the wall and walked away.' According to employees, Rumergant waited for his order by slumping down in the corner and resting his head on a collapsed stack of menus.
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Press Allowed To Cover Return of Dead Soldiers
For the first time in nearly 20 years, the media was permitted to witness a casket containing the body of a dead soldier arrive on U.S. soil. What do you think?
Helen Steuben,
Willow Worker
"Does this mean the press will be able to see alive soldiers returning to America sometime soon?"
Paul Sabers,
Mechanical Engineer
"Well, I guess this makes pictures of the unemployed slightly less depressing."
Tony Koch,
Systems Analyst
"I'm glad they're doing it, but it's a shame that the question-and-answer part didn't go so hot."
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What!?!
Fred Allen - "Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great."
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