Oniona

Michelle Obama's Arms Meet With Sri Lankan Refugees
	VAVUNIYA, SRI LANKA—Refugees said they were awed by the dignity and grace of the limbs, lauding the lack of 'bat-wing fat' that plagues so many middle-aged arms.

	New Terminator Movie Brings J.D. Salinger Out Of Hiding CORNISH, NH—The reclusive author called Christian Bale 'the most badass version of John Connor yet' and described the film's postapocalyptic war with the machines setting as 'totally mind-blowing.'

	Mom Really Funny Today KENSINGTON, MD—Local teens James Ripley, 17, and David Ripley, 14, expressed surprise today when their mother, 47-year-old Cynthia Ripley legitimately made them laugh on several occasions within a 24-hour span. 'I didn't know Mom could be funny.' said James, who described his mother's usual attempts at humor as 'not funny.' 'When she was on the phone with Aunt Linda [Generro], she was making all these hilarious 'I'm crazy' faces, and when Dad dropped the remote she was like 'smooth move, George Clooney.' She was really funny.' The matriarch's comedic run will reportedly end during dinner, when she picks up the salad tongs and pretends to play them like a guitar.

'Billy Elliot' Wins 10 Tonys

With 10 awards, the musical of the film Billy Elliot dominated the 63rd Tony Awards. What do you think?

Kevin Galasso,
Pneumatic Drum Sander
"I am now firmly convinced that Elton John can do anything with that piano of his."

Peggy Dunning,
Receptionist
"I have been brought to tears just by hearing the name Billy Elliot."

Chris Panetta,
Steel Joist Setter
"Oh, did it? I ended up missing most of the show because I was too busy watching DVR replays of Bret Michaels getting clotheslined by a piece of scenery."

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Josh Billings  - "Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."