Onion Blossoms

FBI: Terrorist Attack On Golden Gate Bridge May Have Been Green-Screened

WASHINGTON—Sources said federal authorities revisited video of the tragic events of May 16 after a field agent noticed a bright, greenish hue running along the outline of the bridge.

	Museum Staff Braces For Large Group Wearing Same T-Shirt CHICAGO—Well-placed sources at the Art Institute of Chicago reported Tuesday that the employees were bracing for an imminent encounter with a large group of identically clad people walking toward the building behind someone waving a purple wooden stick. The group—whose members all wore shirts featuring a stylized bird logo that could represent a summer camp or religious youth group—began assembling approximately 40 yards from the entrance, causing museum employees to rush to assigned stations from which they could ensure no one would block hallways, loiter in bathrooms, or touch paintings. 'Heads up,' floor manager Carla Ellis said. 'It looks like they just got off a bus. I think they're from out of state. Here we go!' As of press time, the group was still dawdling 20 feet from the entrance, with at least one person in a wheelchair, and it was surmised that its members were either foreign tourists or a special-needs class.

	Oh, No! It's Making Well-Reasoned Arguments Backed With Facts! Run! Matthew Barnes

The Cost Of Winning In Minnesota

'Wow. And Norm Coleman doesn' even have all those Air America royalty checks rolling in.'
— Liz Borella, Law Examiner

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Will Rogers  - "I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do."