Hey that's one depressing Onion!

I was reading this particular article and it's just really actually depressing. As the sister of a still born child it really kind of gives me pause because the loss of a child is not one bit funny in the least; it doesn't matter how it happens...I realize they are probably just making a point about China's "one child" rule but it's not the venue in my opinion.
 

Son, It's Time We Have A Talk About Where Babies Go

Zhi Peng Wuang

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Now back to the silliness...

Jonas Brothers Film Underperforms

Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience opened this weekend with only $12.7 million at the box office, far less than analysts had expected. What do you think?

Becca Robinson,
Unemployed
"This isn't exactly the first time the Jonas Brothers have 'underperformed,' if you know what I'm saying. I had sex with the Jonas Brothers. Every last one!"

Ian Killeen,
Systems Analyst
"They probably didn't extend their arms toward the camera enough. That's pretty much the main reason why people go see 3-D movies."

Ron Keefe,
I.T. Specialist
"I was going to go. Then I remembered I was a middle-aged man crippled with responsibility."

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....And something that I believed would have been beneficial to my own high school.......

Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

ARKHAM, MA—'Our facilities must be razed to the ground and rebuilt in the image of the Cyclopean dwellings of the Elder Gods,' said board member Charles West.