Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Onion in December

Universe Admits To Wronging Area Man His Entire Life 12.01.10

MINNEAPOLIS—Following decades of allegations from the 44-year-old data processor, the vast conglomeration of all matter and energy known as the universe admitted Tuesday that it was directly responsible for every single hardship in the life of Dave Schwartz, and apologized for continually foiling him at every turn.



20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America


TMZ Dayton Bureau Catches Secondhand Furniture-Store Owner Coming Out Of All-Night Truck Stop

Color-Coded Alert System Canceled

'That's probably for the best. I was getting sick of forgetting to check the advisory before traveling.'


Ask A Travel Agent Trying To Hold On To His Last Client

by Peter Sartell

Dear Travel Agent Trying To Hold On To His Last Client, Nothing would make me happier than finally organizing my garage, but the back wall is cluttered with dozens of old, half-empty cans of paint and wood stain. Getting rid of these eyesores would...



Acid Trip Better Planned Than Vacation


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Caption of the moment

By Dirigo:


Meanwhile, in the Gulf of Mexico...

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