Pepsi To Cease Advertising
'We Know It's Good, And That's Enough' Says CEO.Pentagon Report Concludes Too Many Soldiers Have Same Nickname
ARLINGTON, VA—An inquiry into last month's fatal midair collision of fighter planes piloted by Maj. John 'Scorch' Basin and Col. Keith 'Scorch' Vitullo has found that a dangerous number of U.S. servicemen use the same nickname. 'For commanders on the ground, calling out 'O-Ring' or 'Stroke' and having multiple heads turn poses a logistical nightmare and a grave risk to our troops in the field,' chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Michael 'Scorch' Mullen told reporters Tuesday.
My Living Nightmare Of Encouraging Kids To Read Is Over
Thank god.
After 26 long years, I can finally rest easy. Twenty-six years I spent standing in front of a camera, gritting my teeth, and shilling the latest works of every hack children's book author imaginable. For 26 years, I've told kids they could open a magical door to another world just by reading a book, when the only door it ever opened for me led to a soul-sucking career in the horrifying abyss of public television.
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