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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Something stinks like ONION
Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care
August 18, 2009
WASHINGTON—After months of committee meetings and hundreds of hours of heated debate, the United States Congress remained deadlocked this week over the best possible way to deny Americans health care.
"Both parties understand that the current system is broken," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Monday. "But what we can't seem to agree upon is how to best keep it broken, while still ensuring that no elected official takes any political risk whatsoever. It's a very complicated issue."
"Ultimately, though, it's our responsibility as lawmakers to put these differences aside and focus on refusing Americans the health care they deserve," Pelosi added.
The legislative stalemate largely stems from competing ideologies deeply rooted along party lines. Democrats want to create a government-run system for not providing health care, while Republicans say coverage is best denied by allowing private insurers to make it unaffordable for as many citizens as possible.
"We have over 40 million people without insurance in this country today, and that is unacceptable," Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) said. "If we would just quit squabbling so much, we could get that number up to 50 or even 100 million. Why, there's no reason we can't work together to deny health care to everyone but the richest 1 percent of the population."
"That's what America is all about," he added.
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Marijuana Growers Linked To California Fire
A cooking fire started by marijuana growers linked to a Mexican cartel is said to be responsible for burning around 90,000 acres of the Los Padres National Forest. What do you think?
Darcy McQueen,
Farmer
"Like you've never taken the time out for s'mores during a 240-kilo pot harvest."
David Massen,
Systems Analyst
"Every biologist knows that periodic, negligence-related fires are necessary to maintain a healthy forest ecosystem."
Craig Votruba,
Unemployed
"Yeah, but dude, you ever get high and cause a hurricane? It's so awesome."
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Moving On Up…To The Cheap Side!
By Roger Dudek
Well, hello there, loyal readers. So good of you to drop by. Please, won't you step into the foyer? Or at least point to it and tell me where it is? Because I haven't the slightest clue! You guessed it, it's moving day 'round the Dudek household. Rosemary and I sold our house and found a smaller place to match my smaller paychecks. And it's a good thing, too. Right now our budget is stretched thinner than Joan Rivers' forehead. (And that's thin!)
Now, I'll admit, moving has never been one of my favorite activities. In fact, on the list of things I enjoy doing, it would rank somewhere between eating chalk and getting a root canal at the DMV. Thankfully, there are people you can pay to pack up all your belongings, place them carefully in a truck, and transport everything to your new home, safe and sound, without a scratch on them.
Or, you can do what I did, and hire movers!
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009
FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES
And who among us hasn't been pooped after a hard day at the office?
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http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25943308-23109,00.html
Man arrested for drive-by feces attack
From correspondents in Tokyo, Japan
Agency France-Press
August 17, 2009 08:36pm
- A 39-year-old construction worker has been arrested for throwing his own faeces at women passers-by from a motorcycle in two separate attacks in western Japan, police said today.
The man turned himself in yesterday after making the second drive-by attack in Settsu, a satellite city near Osaka, and was detained on suspicion of assault, a municipal police spokesman said.
The worker, identified as Tatsuya Moriguchi, committed a similar assault in the same city on August 3, the police official said.
"The suspect has told investigators he did it because he felt frustrated when his work didn't go well,'' the official said.
"I have no idea what kind of penalty he may face. I have not heard about such a case before.''
In the first incident, Moriguchi relieved himself outdoors just before getting on his moped and throwing the feces at the head of a woman in her 20s, the official said.
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Subject: AMA on Health Care Plan
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new health care plan being developed by the Obama Team.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the butt holes in Washington .
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Monday, August 17, 2009
From The Desk Of Pete Yates!
Considering the CD he was having them hold, I would suspect that he was "Comfortably Numb" at the time.
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http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/2757514/Is-this-New-Zealands-dumbest-crim
A thief has made a bid for the title of New Zealand's dumbest crook after providing his name and contact details to a store clerk minutes before grabbing money from the cash register in full view of the Christchurch store's eight surveillance cameras.
The long-time customer of Penny Lane Records on Colombo St in Sydenham began his bad caper on Friday afternoon.
He approached the counter with a copy of Pink Floyd's classic rock CD The Wall and asked for it to be held for him.
He wrote his name and contact details on a sticker, which was placed on the CD.
A minute later, when the store attendant went to help another customer, the man leaned over the counter and opened the till. He grabbed a handful of $10 and $20 notes, pushed past a woman who spotted him, and fled the store.
Record store manager Garry Knight said if the man had cared to look up he would have seen a monitor showing him dipping into the till from four different angles.
If that was not stupid enough, the man was a long-time, regular customer who had previously left his name and phone number in the store's "wants" book for people who had standing requests for rare records.
Knight said there were eight or so people in the store, including two eyewitnesses. "It's comical."
Police were called but the man had already left the area. Knight predicted the case would not take long to crack.
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My whole life has been decided by fate.
Sharon Tate
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Snopes....
http://www.snopes.com/photos/accident/smallcar.asp
I just watched a docudrama on this woman....She had moxie.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/sendler.asp
Blair Holt bill
http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/blairholt.asp
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One must beware of ministers who can do nothing without money, and those who want to do everything with money.
Indira Gandhi
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Onion and More Republican's doin Hash and not sharing.....
Congress Beginning To Suspect Senator Mark Warner Might Be Homeless
WASHINGTON—Warner's recent habit of introducing legislation written out on large pieces of brown cardboard only furthers speculation that he has hit hard times.
GM Selling Cars On eBay
In order to combat its sales slump, General Motors, in cooperation with about 225 dealerships, has begun selling cars on the auction website eBay. What do you think?
Alice Huston,
Birth Attender
"With this kind of innovative thinking, I think GM will someday be as successful as my mom's homemade candle business."
Kim Amell,
Systems Analyst
"I guess not selling cars on eBay is probably a lot cheaper than hiring people to not sell cars in dealerships."
Andy Nachtrab,
Hammer Mill Operator
"They nailed the crux of the problem right there. The reason for the collapse of the auto market was that you just couldn't buy a brand-new $25,000 vehicle, sight unseen, from an Internet auction house."
Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux'
ROLLA, MO—A reading of Gabriel Fournier's The Eclipse Of Infinity reveals that the new science-fiction novel makes more than 80 separate references to 'quantum flux,' a vaguely defined force the author uses to advance the plot, resolve conflict as needed, and account for dozens of glaring inconsistencies.
Teenage Rebels Seize Control Of Food Court's Corner Table
HOLLAND, MI—According to mall personnel, a roving gang of 15-year-old rebels captured a corner table at the Woodland Mall food court Sunday in a forceful act of nonconformity that displaced families and caused concern among business owners. Some believe the intimidating teenagers may belong to the same band of dissidents that has been gaining power in the shopping center's upper level since last Thursday's devastating verbal attack on a Lane Bryant beachwear display. Although the rebels have voiced opposition to all forms of authority and vowed to defend their position at any cost, an incoming strike by an extreme faction of 12th-grade jocks eventually forced them to retreat into a nearby Lids.
We've Got Some Great News For Those Employees Who Hate Our 401(k) Matching Program
Here at Lowell's Cleaning Services, our greatest asset is our employees. We're always striving to make our company stronger, and we try to be open to your ideas for improvements. For quite some time now, we've been hearing that many of you aren't happy with our retirement savings plan. That's why, beginning next week, we will heed the advice of those who absolutely could not stand our generous 401(k) matching program by permanently eliminating it.
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....And here for your dining and dancing pleasure....Old people being paranoid and uninformed....People, people, people....
Personally, I'm thinking of resigning my humanity and becoming a piece of grass because for sure someone would water and feed me.
He then adds: "Folks will say that's not true but, I've got facts on my side and you've got Glenn Beck on your side."
And the guy that says, "PROVIDE FOR THE GENERAL WELFARE-IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION OR MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T READ IT!!!"
That's precious! God Bless Them.
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Joan Crawford - "I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend."
FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES: Possible In The News!
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Out of China...
http://www.sthelenschat.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33627&get=last
Husband jumps in river to escape nagging A Chinese lorry driver jumped into a fast-flowing river because he couldn't take his wife's nagging anymore.
Zhou and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when it all became too much for him, reports the Chongqing Evening Post.
Members of the ship's crew saw the man suddenly run out of his cabin with his hands covering his ears, and shouting: "I can't stand it any longer."
They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him but found he was unhurt.
"While we were still puzzling over the this, his wife ran up and continued nagging him," said one crewmate.
"The husband covered his ears again and said: 'I need a break' before jumping over the side into the rushing river.
"We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero."
However, later that night, police found the man who had managed to swim more than a mile across across the broad river.
"I felt I was dying, but even that's better than my wife's nagging," he reportedly told the police.
The couple were reunited the following morning at the local police station where Zhou's wife promised to give up her habit of nagging him.
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