♫ Doot doot doot ~ Lookin out my back door!-Creedence Clearwater Revival...♫

Why? And....Why?
Were there no cows to tip, no tires that could be deflated, no one's house to TP? Why would you do such a heinous act?

VANDALS DAMAGE OVER TWO DOZEN TREES AT LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL
There's a reward being offered in the case of some Chippewa Hills High
School vandals this morning.  Someone ripped more than two dozen trees
from the ground.  The trees are valued at more than $13,000.  The school
vandalism, near Remus, comes just days before graduation.  The principal
says people there are very upset about the destruction.  She says it's
kind of like a slap in the face that somebody would do that to their
campus.  Police say it doesn't appear tools of any kind were used to bring
the trees down.  The school started removing the trees Thursday to clear
them out before graduation.
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Helen Rowland  - "One man's folly is another man's wife."

Oniony aroma

Report: Increasing Number Of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities

WASHINGTON—'Rather than punishing our teachers or kicking them out, we give them a gold star every time they do something right,' said Principal Donald Zicree.

Brooke Shields Regrets Losing Virginity At 22

In a recent interview, actress Brooke Shields said she wished she had come to terms with her appearance at a younger age so she could have had sex earlier. What do you think?

Lydia McCormick,
Graphologist
"That's odd. My terrible body image has never once stopped me from having sex with anyone who would talk to me."

Mark Luckett,
Box-Toe Flanger
"If she wants to know what it would've been like for her to have sex at 17, I can give her detailed scene-by-scene accounts of my early-1980s fantasies."

Alex Kelley,
Systems Analyst
"Yes, what an ugly woman."

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FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES: Possible In The News

 

From somewhere in Russia:

 

http://www.mosnews.com/weird/2009/05/25/1909/

 

 

Woman blasts off boyfriend's penis with

firecrackers

25 May, 05:07 PM

A Russian woman got so upset by the news that her boyfriend intended to leave her that she tied several firecrackers to his penis and exploded them, the Life.ru web-site reports.

The 33-year-old victim, identified as Alik D. had lived with the woman whose name was reported as Kira V. for about two years, but when the girlfriend started suggesting that they should marry, the man refused and said that he would rather return to his first wife with whom he had a son.

When Alik started moving out Kira suggested that they had a farewell dinner. After a hearty meal and some heavy drinking Alik fell asleep. The girlfriend tied several firecrackers to Alik's penis and exploded them. The man was rushed to intensive care and doctors are reported to be fighting for his life.

Even if the man survives the girl will face up to 12 years imprisonment.  

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Helen Rowland  - "One man's folly is another man's wife."

Ick, gross, and aacky-poo and then there's Snopes...

http://www.snopes.com/politics/medical/mastectomy.asp
Uh, yeah. Duh.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/techno/scalped.asp
Ouch! AND GAH!!!


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Mitch Hedberg  - "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

<Turn on the errie horror movie music and sit back and read this one....>

http://news.bostonherald.com/news/national/west/view.bg?articleid=1174068

FRESNO, Calif. — Fresno County Coroner David Hadden said Wednesday that a maggot infestation at the county morgue is making working conditions there "intolerable," and criticized county supervisors for delaying plans for a new facility.
Supervisor Judy Case said uncertainty over the budget has slowed progress on what she called the county's top capital project.
Morgue employees, meanwhile, talked about the maggots, which they say quickly turn into swirling black flies that swarm throughout the autopsy area.
"They're everywhere," Deputy Coroner Kelly Wiesel said. "They dive-bomb you and, eventually, they just drop dead on the floor."
Wiesel said that while morgue workers encounter maggots and flies when they are sent to death scenes, "these are homegrown."
Dr. Michael Chambliss, an assistant pathologist, said he and another worker thought the infestation was localized until they moved equipment.
"It was like an army of maggots all along the wall," he said. "You can see them everywhere — along the baseboard, coming out of the wall.
"They're in your hair, bouncing on your face, bouncing on your clothes." He added that it is difficult to keep flies out of bodies pathologists are examining.
On a tour of the morgue, a facility built in the 1940s, Hadden pointed out dead and dying insects and cracked linoleum, which he said was a perfect breeding area for pests and bacteria. At one point he admonished a television cameraman who put down his equipment nearby.
"Don't put anything on the floor!" he said, wincing.
Hadden didn't hide his impatience over delays in building the new morgue to replace what he called a dilapidated facility past it use-by date.
"We don't have air conditioning," he said. "So on these hot days, we turn on the swamp cooler and it gets very warm and humid, which are the ideal conditions for maggots. I don't know how they got in the walls, but they are deteriorated and old. It is horrible."

 

Gross isn't the word for it....Hell maybe....

.

__,_._,___

Sexual Relations

More From The Desk of Pete Yates: A more local Possible In The News story

Samuel Goldwyn  - "For your information, I would like to ask a question."
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This needs no comment from me:

 

http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattle911/archives/169299.asp

'When I smoke crack, I always take my pants off'

 

Seattle officers were in little position to argue with Robert Cardiel, whom they found hiding in a Little Saigon parking lot.

 

"When I smoke crack," Cardiel allegedly told police, "I always take off my pants."

 

Cardiel's appearance at the time backed his claim; clad in a jacket and socks, Cardiel, 40, was naked from waist to ankles, according to court documents.

 

Police had been called to the South Dearborn Street lot just after 8:15 p.m. on April 8 after a woman traveling with her children was approached by the partially nude Cardiel, police say. The woman told police she saw Cardiel wandering the lot, looking into parked cars before he turned and approached the woman's vehicle to ask for a lighter.

 

Rebuffed by the woman, Cardiel drove from the scene. Police found his car on a nearby street, then located Cardiel hiding in a parking lot.

 

Following his arrest, Cardiel was taken to Harborview Medical Center to be treated for a drug overdose, according to court documents.

 

Earlier this month, King County prosecutors filed felony indecent exposure charges against Cardiel. In addition to numerous other criminal convictions, Cardiel has been twice convicted of crimes related to indecent exposure.

 

He remains in King County Jail on $75,000 bail pending resolution of the case.

From The Desk of Pete Yates: Possible In The News story!

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Frank Lloyd Wright  - "TV is chewing gum for the eyes."

Just....  Wow!  From Plymouth, England...

 

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/815719/newlyweds-charged-with-wedding-murder

 

 

 

Couple charged with wedding-night murder

 

A pair of British newlyweds are accused of murder after a violent confrontation that occurred after the bride slept with another man on her wedding night.

Groom Barry Johnson and his new wife Wendy Shobrook allegedly beat George Auchterlonie to death after he spent the night with the bride, a court has heard.

 

Ms Shobrook, 39, had allegedly walked out on her 40-year-old husband just hours after the service because she believed he was not paying her enough attention. He had left the reception to pick up his welfare from a nearby unemployment centre.

 

The couple then had an argument at home that resulted in Ms Shobrook setting fire to Mr Johnson's bed and then allegedly running into the arms of Mr Auchterlonie.

 

But the following morning she phoned her husband and claimed his 45-year-old Auchterlonie tried to rape her, the court heard.

 

Ms Shobrook then allegedly let Mr Johnson into his love rival's flat where he savagely beat the father of four with an oar and a glass.

Both newlyweds reportedly took part in the beating that left the Plymouth man with 38 separate injuries.

He was left lying in a pool of his own blood and was not seen again until his dead body was discovered three days later.

 

"I kicked hell out of him and broke a glass over his head. There was claret everywhere. I gave him a bloody good hiding," Johnson allegedly boasted to friends, the Daily Mail reports.

 

The prosecution claims that Ms Shobrook deliberately set up her lover for the beating by concocting a rape story and allowing her husband access to the victim's home in June last year.

 

They alleged that she had been involved in a sexual relationship for a period leading up to their spur-of-the-moment wedding, which took place at a register office in front of three friends.

 

The trial continues.

Who knows what lurks in the hearts of men.....SNOPES???

http://www.snopes.com/

http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/arlington.asp
Kinda, sorta, maybe true....Maybe not so much, but kind of true...Believe what you want.

----------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/lice.asp
Makes me itch just thinking about it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Generally I don't put partial truths in but, I like baby carrots and use them a lot:
http://www.snopes.com/food/tainted/carrots.asp

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P. J. O'Rourke  - "Never fight an inanimate object."

Purr-fect cat sparks 4,000 mile trip - The Morning Sun News: Serving Clare, Gratiot and Isabella counties

Purr-fect cat sparks 4,000 mile trip - The Morning Sun News: Serving Clare, Gratiot and Isabella counties

Posted using ShareThis

The Onion, because no one serves The Onion like The Onion....

http://www.theonion.com/content/index

Report: Majority Of Pay Phone Conversations Begin, End In Tears

WASHINGTON—A new study by the Federal Communications Commission has determined that as many as 81 percent of all calls made over pay phones start and conclude with uncontrollable sobbing. The report, published Monday, surveyed a wide sample of public telephone conversations, nearly all of which began with the phrase 'Please don't hang up,' and devolved into unrestrained bawling on the part of one or both participants. The FCC's report also confirmed that the remaining 19 percent of pay phone calls are wrong numbers caused by frantically misdialing one's parole officer, ex-girlfriend, bookie, or AA sponsor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe 05.15.09

BEAVERTON, OR—According to a Nike press release, the Air Fornicator's revolutionary midsole component works to adapt to the user's pelvic motions and cushions the overall shock of repetitive grinding.

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Only in Northern Michigan....

Boy is Michigan's mom going to be mad!

REPORT CARD GIVES STATE'S ROADS A "D"

Michigan's roads certainly aren't making the Dean's List this time around.
A new report card gave the state's infrastructure a "D." The report urges
Michigan to invest more money in things on roads and bridges.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you with smaller drama's like, oh say, a case of SWINE FLU in your family:

SEVERAL FIREFIGHTERS IN MISSAUKEE RESIGN AMID DEMOTIONS

Big drama in a small town has left one community with no fire department
officers and very few firefighters. More than a third of the
Lake-Missaukee Volunteer Fire Department has resigned following the
demotions of the three at the top.

Now I get my news by email, so I very much wonder who is sending these and if they look at what they type?
Herein lay the reason for my robust amusement.

A Great Story A CAPPER SENT ME....So it must be awesome

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Laurence J. Peter - "Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed,
so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee,
inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply
embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the
wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its
foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on
its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen,
thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant
trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that
elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to
near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull
elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then
put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly,
all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if
this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over
the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to
the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again,
wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the
railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullcrap stories.

__

__,_._,___

FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES: Possible In The News

Because apparently there's nothing sexier to a 15 year-old girl than a 26 year-old man without a car....  From Scranton, PA:

 

http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/news/1.13249?localLinksEnabled=false

 

Maryland man sentenced after riding bike 180 miles here for teen sex

By Erin L. Nissley (STaff Writer)
Published: May 14, 2009

A man who rode his bicycle 180 miles to have sex with a Scranton teen he met on the Internet will serve one to four years in prison, a judge ruled Wednesday.

William Wagner, 26, 414 Battery Drive, Havre de Grace, Md., met the 15-year-old girl through the social networking Web site MySpace. In June, he biked to Scranton to meet the teen.

In February, Mr. Wagner pleaded guilty to unlawful contact with a minor.

He slept at Pine Brook baseball field, Sanderson Avenue and Green Place, while he was in Scranton. He took the teen to the baseball field and had intercourse with her there several times, police said.

After he left Scranton, the girl told her parents she had sex with Mr. Wagner, who reported it to police.

The Times-Tribune does not identify sexual assault victims.

The teen told police she considered herself to be "in a relationship" with Mr. Wagner at one time. He knew she was only 15, she told police.

"It was a peculiar set of circumstances, including that he rode his bike to meet her," said Deputy District Attorney Michelle Olshefski. "I think the sentence is very fitting. He acknowledged that he knew her age and what he did was wrong."

After serving his prison sentence, Mr. Wagner will have to register as a sex offender under the state's Megan's Law requirements for 10 years.

Contact the writer: enissley@timesshamrock.com

~ Oy! Parents, it's ten o'clock, do you know where your children are on the internet?~

FROM THE DESK OF PETE YATES!!!

Hmmm...  Not the brightest folks here.  As usual, alcohol is involved.

 

From the Green Bay Press Gazette police blotter section:

 

Criminal damage: Two 23-year-old men who had been drinking were acting suspicious Thursday in the parking lot of the Green Bay Police Department, 307 S. Adams St. When asked what they were doing, one man said they were taking pictures. A camera contained 25 images, some showing the men walking over the hood and roof of a squad car and urinating on a police truck. Police found dents in a squad car, with footprints matching the shoes of one suspect.

 Also:

She's accused of stashing pot in Rice Krispie Treats

Gannett Wisconsin Media • May 12, 2009

The title alone is worth the money to buy the newspaper.

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Vince Lombardi  - "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time."

NO NO! Not my ducks!!!.....................................................Oh, you meant "those" ducks....

This headline concerned me because, I love the ducks on our lake and to be honest, I don't want anyone eliminating them....

Ducks look to avoid elimination -
The Morning Sun Sports: Serving Clare, Gratiot and Isabella counties

Posted using ShareThis

Now it's ladders....

Well, in Mount Pleasant they painted Adirondack Chairs one year....Now their doing ladders in Clare....Let's see, what other mundane things can we twist perverse in Northern Michigan.

Downtown Clare 'stepping up' to art project -
The Morning Sun News: Serving Clare, Gratiot and Isabella counties

Posted using ShareThis
(for the love of all that is good in this world don't do it.)

Only (...and I mean only with all the love of...Oh never mind...) in Northern Michigan

Thursdays news and Fridays news....

....And because they could never get the hang of Wednesdays

TWO ARRESTED AFTER POLICE SAY THEY STOLE A VEHICLE THEN CRASHED IT
http://www.9and10news.com/category/story/?id=154043
Two people arrested for stealing a vehicle in Evart have police looking
into their possible connection to other area break-ins. It started when
someone reported their car stolen. As police were headed to the scene,
they found it involved in a crash. A juvenile who was hurt in the
accident was taken to the hospital, then arrested. Police also arrested
another suspect, who is now in jail.
----------------------------------------------------------
And because people in Northern Michigan dream big and proceed small..... it will take more than this:

NEW PLANS FOR DOWNTOWN MANISTEE
In an effort to boost downtown business, Manistee is working on some new
plans. Some downtown stores had a rough winter, but all are hoping for a
successful summer. The Downtown Development Authority is changing its
marketing plan to bring more people to River Street. They're also trying
to recruit new stores, improve store facades, and create new events. One
is called "Homegrown Saturdays" which capitalizes on the farmers market
across the river, and will also bring live entertainment downtown. The
Downtown Development Authority hopes these changes will have people more
willing to travel locally this summer and taken in Lake Michigan from
their own backyard.

~This particular story above I couldn't find on the website so, if you want to read the story you must "sleuth it out" so-to-speak.
It's probably a story on covert ops and is only accessible by those who receive the news by email....You know....Us sneaky little B*t*h's.
Watch-it's probably not a real story they had on the news, but a paid ad. No?
Who knows.
I couldn't find it.~

-------------------------------------------------------------
UNEMPLOYMENT COMPUTER GLITCH FIXED

A computer glitch delaying unemployment benefits is now fixed, and people
receiving money through direct deposit should see their funds this
morning. Those affected were people scheduled to check in with the MARVIN
verification system this past Monday. Susan Metzger of Gaylord was laid
off last December, and unemployment is her only source of income. She
says waiting days for the money was hard enough, and not knowing when it
would come was tougher. A state representative says last night checks
were issued and debit cards should have been refilled.

....Unfortunately shortly afterward it was found that they'd all killed themselves OUT OF DESPAIR!


HORSE FRIENDLY CAMPGROUND OPENING IN LAKE COUNTY THIS WEEKEND

There's a new campground to check out in Lake County this weekend, and
your horse is welcome too.
"What will we be doing in a horse friendly campground?"
The D Bar D Ranch is converting into a new horse friendly campground near Chase.
Don Beach and Diane Davis started building up the land and the facilities a few years ago. When Don lost
his job last year, he just kept building. Diane's son decided to join the
crew when he lost his job as well. Now he trains horses in the ranch's
riding area, along with a second trainer. Riders can take advantage of
hours of trails accessible right from the campground.

They can also stand around saying to the horses, "Why the long face?"
BOO HA HA HA!!!! .·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.

Only in Michigan....Sometimes there just isn't any "Northern" about it.

Please follow the bouncing ball and sing along to the hyper linked website for more information.
This public service is brought to you by:

THE CAPPERS!-Silly since the mid-nineteen ninety's and still
goofy as heck....If it's someone commenting throughout the movie- it's probably a capper.

GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY!!!

GOVERNOR GRANHOLM ISSUING EXECUTIVE ORDER TODAY
State workers find out today if budget-balancing measures will include
layoffs or furloughs. It's part of an executive order Governor Granholm
will issue today that lists more than $300 million in cuts. In addition to the
layoffs or furlough days, Medicaid providers are expected to get paid less,
and departments could face 4% cuts. According to the Detroit News, plans
to lay off 100 Michigan State Troopers are included in those cuts. The
reduction would take about one in every ten troopers off the highways,
reducing their ranks to slightly more than 1,000.

PARTY TIME FOR ALL YOU DRUNK DRIVERS AND ANGRY MOTORIST!!!


~Sometimes I wonder whose side she's on and then I remember and ask, "Are you sure?" ~

---------------------------------------Also-------------------------------------

It rained all day on Thursday and the rivers and creeks were at flood stages however:

FOREST SERVICE STAYS AHEAD OF HIGH FIRE DANGER LEVELS
Fire danger levels are expected to jump over the next couple days, so the
Forest Service is getting a head start. 170 acres of forest lands were
set on fire Monday northwest of Baldwin.

The controlled burns cleared dry
brush and grass which could have helped fuel a wild fire. This burn
helped to clear space for oak trees to grow.

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Emo Philips - "I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."

World War Z: It's here....Everyone to Sam's Club and bring yer guns!

Told you I did....Now, things are worse....

It seems that this whole Swine Flu thing is a cover up for a Zombie outbreak....

http://bouncewith.me.uk/europe/8027043.htm

There has been a small outbreak of "zombism"

in London due to mutation of the H1N1 virus into new strain: H1Z1.

Similar to a scare originally found in Cambodia back in 2005, victims of a new strain of the swine flu virus H1N1 have been reported in London.

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it's victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during "resurrection."

click on image to make it larger.....
___________________________________

In other news:
Only in Northern Michigan


COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL FESTIVAL OF TABLES
Festival organizers are counting the days until the start of the Festival
of Tables in Traverse City. This year marks the 8th year for the event
that celebrates home entertainment with imaginative design work. The
festival is an annual fund raising event for Child and Family Services of
Northwest Michigan. The second annual gala preview, including the "Not
Just for Men Tent" starts things off Friday, followed by the Ladies Lunch
and all the fun and creativity Saturday. This year, organizers say there
could be as many as 40 tables on display. The festival also includes a
silent auction with a large variety of items. Tickets are $50 each.

The heck (???)

The second annual gala preview, including the "Not
Just for Men Tent"
Because we all know that tables are all about men....

This year, organizers say there
could be as many as 40 tables on display.
Heck I want to get my tickets now!!!


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I told you this earlier....Here's my source.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/zombies.asp

<one eyebrow raises>
http://www.snopes.com/crime/dumdum/gunshop.asp

Yes yes yes, we know...
http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/geocities.asp

Hey heads up!
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/missing/stafford.asp

GET YER OWN!!!
http://www.snopes.com/fraud/autos/sticker.asp

Facebook Fake!
http://www.snopes.com/fraud/phishing/fbstarter.asp
.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.


Steve Martin - "I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."

Kitten- Danger, walk with me.

While that was frightening in a Japanese kitten sort of way...This one is almost kind of "possess-ed of the devil" sort of frightening and....



This one, well, speaks for itself....

I've had to deal with the government lately so this seems mild in comparison to the shock I have had to endure of late.