Nation Instinctively Forms Breadline | |
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| NEW YORK- 'What's happening here?' said a California resident after seeing a group of bankers leaning against a broken-down jalopy, their feet muddied and bare. |
Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through White House
WASHINGTON—The Bush twins spoke in unison and repeatedly beckoned Sasha Obama by chanting the phrases 'come play with us, forever' and 'Daddy's making fajitas.'
~They've also been freaked out by the creaking noises coming from Dick Cheney's coffin as he rises every night to feed...~ David LettermanLoud Squawking Crow Forces FAA To Ground All Flights Indefinitely
WASHINGTON—Thousands were left stranded at airports nationwide Tuesday, when the Federal Aviation Administration grounded all commercial flights due to the harsh, discordant squawks emitted by a nearby crow. 'We apologize to all passengers affected by the cancellations, but he sounds really close,' acting FAA administrator Robert Sturgell said at a press conference, adding that the nation's airport security officials have determined that the crow is in either a tree somewhere close by or possibly on a roof. 'Flights across the Eastern Seaboard will resume just as soon as we can shoo it away.' In the wake of these recent air traffic delays, President Obama has earmarked $3 billion from the bailout budget to finance the construction of a national scarecrow.
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 I'm Thinking About Getting A Dog To NeglectStephanie Auten |
Serotonin Makes Locusts Swarm
A new study indicates that an increased level of serotonin—a chemical that can prevent depression in humans—causes locusts to swarm. What do you think?
Andrea Lingel,
Farmer
"It makes me so mad to think that those little bastards are probably enjoying the hell out of themselves as they destroy all my corn."
Justin Hall,
Personal Assistant
"And all this time I thought locust plagues were sent by a vengeful and jealous God. Once again I have been delivered from the dark recesses of ignorance. Praise Jesus!"
Erik Poole,
Systems Analyst
"You know, this makes sense. My buddy Craig seems pretty happy, and he's always surrounded by thousands of locusts."
~We the willing, led by the unknown, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful...~
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