Obama Disappointed Cabinet Failed To Understand His Reference To 'Savage Sword Of Conan' #24 | ||
| | WASHINGTON—President Obama received confused silence upon suggesting that his staff might have to 'team up with Taurus of Nemedia' to secure the needed funding. |
Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice
CHIPOTLE—'Black Beans or Pinto?' the Chipotle employee just asked you, seemingly unaware of the heaping amount of rice spilling out of the tortilla next to yours.
Country CD Put On To Impress Repair Guy
WILMETTE, IL—In an effort to impress repairman Jason Delmar, 29, whom he called to fix a malfunctioning dishwasher, local resident Brad Osterberg played Merle Haggard's 1968 album Mama Tried for the entire time Delmar was in his home, the 38-year-old intellectual property attorney told reporters Monday. 'He didn't say much, but I think we really connected,' said Osterberg, who later added that he always makes sure he has something by A Tribe Called Quest blaring when his usual pizza delivery guy comes. 'I just wanted him to feel comfortable. After all, I have a pretty nice place.' After leaving Osterberg's home, Delmar reportedly resumed listening to the audiobook of Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow on his repair truck's CD player in order to 'get that hillbilly crap out of [his] head.'
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 I Don't Define Myself By My Ability To Travel Between DimensionsBy Dennis Myrie |
55,000 Laid Off Monday
More than 55,000 Americans lost their jobs Monday, with companies such as Caterpillar, Sprint, and Home Depot each laying off several thousand workers. What do you think?
Sher Chamberlain,
Unemployed
"Is that the last of the jobs? I'm getting really tired of having to hear about layoffs all the time."
Brad Scharff,
Systems Analyst
"Wait, people work at Home Depot? I've always just gone there, picked out what I needed, then bought it at the self-serve register. Are you sure you have the company name right?"
Travis Brooks,
Customer Service Representative
"As a Sprint customer service rep, I react to the news with a mixture of passive-aggression and moderate contempt just short of outright rudeness, sir."
Wait,I think that Sprint guy waited on my son and I once....
Illinois Abuzz as Blagojevich Set to Make His Case
Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois left his house in Chicago on Thursday morning on his way to deliver the closing argument at his impeachment trial in ... New York Times - |
His prattling on can't be good for his case....It makes him look crazy and like he's trying to hard to prove his innocence...("The lady doth protest too much"....Or in this case "the gentleman?")This man needs to know when to shut the heck up! I was sitting in my office listening to him thinking, "You know what really would be funny right now? An intermission like the intermission from Monty Python's Holy Grail...Right in the stinking middle."
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