WASHINGTON—In a press conference held this morning on the White House lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and members of his own administration if, in light of today's election, he could stop being the president now. "So it's over, right? Can I stop being president now?" Bush said after striding to the podium in a Texas Rangers cap and flannel shirt, carrying a fully packed suitcase. "Let's just say I'm done as of now. Presidency over." When informed by Washington Post reporter David Broder that his presidency would continue through early January, Bush stared at him quizzically, sighed, and shuffled silently back into the White House.
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Hillary Clinton Resumes Attacking Obama
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/89459
November 5, 2008 | Issue 44•45
NEW YORK—Less than 20 minutes after Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States, New York senator Hillary Clinton officially resumed her political attacks against the senator from Illinois. "My fellow Americans, I admire Barack Obama, but in his first 20 minutes as president-elect, he has failed time and time again to deliver the change he promised," the former Democratic presidential candidate said at a small rally in Harlem. "Mr. Obama may deliver a rousing victory speech, but right now this country needs more than just speeches. It needs real leadership." In addition to her numerous scheduled public appearances, Clinton has also released a series of coordinated television and radio ads questioning the near-half-hour Obama has spent away from the White House, his failure to meet with a single foreign leader at Camp David since being elected, and the current lack of any female or minority appointments to his cabinet.
Auto Sales Hit 25-Year Low
In the face of a weakening economy, U.S. auto sales fell to their lowest level since 1983. What do you think?
Nancy Coyne,
Paralegal
"If they slash car prices further, I'm going to stock up on Focuses."
Pete McKissock,
Systems Analyst
"That's great! Wait, is this for a feature on the environment or for the business section?"
Scott Haggerty,
Crop Duster
"But I love my Icelandic-made car! Mjoiks last forever."
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