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Report: Majority Of Pay Phone Conversations Begin, End In Tears
WASHINGTON—A new study by the Federal Communications Commission has determined that as many as 81 percent of all calls made over pay phones start and conclude with uncontrollable sobbing. The report, published Monday, surveyed a wide sample of public telephone conversations, nearly all of which began with the phrase 'Please don't hang up,' and devolved into unrestrained bawling on the part of one or both participants. The FCC's report also confirmed that the remaining 19 percent of pay phone calls are wrong numbers caused by frantically misdialing one's parole officer, ex-girlfriend, bookie, or AA sponsor.
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Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe
BEAVERTON, OR—According to a Nike press release, the Air Fornicator's revolutionary midsole component works to adapt to the user's pelvic motions and cushions the overall shock of repetitive grinding..·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.•·.·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·..·´¯`·.·•.·:*¨¨*:·.
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